Something's Happening

This has been the worst summer.  No really.  It has.  I went from a good, but difficult and time consuming Whole 30 to two months of trying to figure out how to help Brian out of the worst health crash ever (or at least one of them).  And the summer slipped away.  I had some good times in there with the kids, but it just wasn't great.  And Brian couldn't do anything with us.  And the pool never got warm.  And my back pain went exponential.  And Brian is still crashed.  It's been stressful and discouraging for me.  And I try not to think about me because it's so much worse for him.

So I've been trying to be thankful.  To remember that even though it seems like everyone else is gliding through life without decade long trials, they've all had their own trials.  And there's a bunch of trials that don't have to last a decade to be awful.  But I just wasn't feeling a lot of love, you know?  I was kind of more like, yes, I know that my salvation ought to be enough love to last without anything additional, but I'm just not really feeling very cared for.  And yes, I know that's very selfish.  I'm an American  - that's huge.  And have healthy (mostly) children.  That's huge.  But when your husband is suffering every day.  Loads of pain and misery.  Well, it's hard to feel like you're blessed.  Even when you count your blessings.  Does that even make sense??

Now I don't know what's going on today, but God seems intent on making me feel special.  First it was a happy mail day.  My dress for my sister's wedding arrived, and even though that wasn't a gift, it is a happy thing. (And it's a great dress that my sister got a huge discount on, probably making it the most inexpensive bridesmaid dress in history.  And it came in time to remind me to work out my arms, but I digress...)  Then my sister in law sent me a fabulous "Keep Calm and Let Alicia Handle It" shirt, which I totally love.  THEN, I opened the sweetest note from a friend telling me that she'd been led to take a little side job with the whole intent of giving ME what she earned from it.  And she did just that.  To use for whatever I want she said.  Another quiet weekend away?  A juicer?  The possibilities are endless, and Brian laughs because I always save money for the perfect option and can never make up my mind.  But really, can you believe that??  God wanted her to do this FOR ME.  Why on earth?  And she really did it too.  That's amazing.

Now I'm already trying to process all of this tonight.  Couldn't even really write about it yet.  And don't you know, another friend messages me on Facebook and wants me to come pick up the contents of his freezer.  Including organic blueberries.  And so many other things.  He said he was prompted by God the last couple of days to give it to us.  Now I'm not out of grocery money or anything, in fact, I spent the better part of the day trying to get all the right groceries for Brian, who's going on an organic produce cleanse for this three day weekend, and all the rest of us.  But I'm also not one to turn down free food.  Especially not when God is apparently intent on my having it.  What is up with that?  

I'm thankful for the gifts, but more than any of them, it is the Giver that now has me intrigued.  He's been talking to people about me.  Is that crazy or what?  What is He doing?  I've asked that question a lot, but usually with more than a little frustration.  This time, I'm totally intrigued.  Even hopeful.  He's up to something, and I'm beginning to wonder if I might not see more of this goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. I've come to expect nothing or more bad news.  But this is shaking up my expectations.

Then, even as I chatted with my friend, Ann Voskamp posted the C.S. Lewis quote, " There are far better things ahead, than any we leave behind," along with this commentary:

Lord, the changes just about kill us.
Kids growing up & away. We lose our people, lose places & times we have loved. The headlines scream big things & straight up -- things up ahead can look mighty bleak. 
Honest? Sometimes we just want to find the rewind button -- find our way back to where we've been so we can live better, love realer, feel safer.
And You whisper, "Look ahead with joy... everything’s going to work out. I promise it's all working out for good...Look to Me" Isa:65:17, Ps20:6, Ro.8:28, Matt10:38MSG
And You are up ahead!
"There are far better things ahead -- than any we leave behind."
The best is never behind us; You save the *best* for up ahead --
and the end will be the *best*... and it will only be the *beginning*.

So we look with have hope ahead -- to the One who has our heart...
In the name of the only One who ever loved us to death & back to the realest & forever life. Amen.

I don't know what's happening, Lord, but I got your love letters today, and I'm listening.

I still miss you

How can it have been  nearly 28 years since I smelled your tobacco and peppermint skin?  You were supposed to be here. You wanted to dance at my wedding; you told me so yourself.  You would have been the best great grand-pap ever because you were the best Pappy a girl could ever have.  I still miss you.  So much. So very much.  You were my favorite.

My beloved

He fell asleep tonight on the couch in my arms. Didn't want to leave to go to bed. I'm so thankful for this sweet man. I turned on my "Beautiful" YouTube playlist and the music fed my soul. And life was beautiful. There are moments in life when you once again realize that you have everything you've ever wanted.

Christmas update

How the Grinch Stole Christmas + green Grinch (mint) chocolate chip cookies + Grinch (green sherbet) punch = a fun Christmas family night. I gave up on the guy that was supposed to be selling me Ethan's gift on Craigslist and, thank you, Jesus! found an even better deal - Kodak Easyshare + case+ SD card for $20 - in pristine condition. I'm gonna have a happy boy. Oh, and a first attempt at sock buns for the girls - they're hoping for beautiful curls in the morning, but either way, they look so cute. And tomorrow morning is Polar Express morning. Big breakfast with my best friend and her family and then the movie with cocoa and popcorn - and, of course, a jingle bell craft! It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas here!

My Sound of Music Moment

Yesterday, out of the blue, I looked at my kids and said, "do, re, mi, fa, sol, and so on are only the tools we use to build the song. Once you have these notes in your head, you can sing a million different tunes, by mixing them up, like this: so, do, la, fa, mi, do, re. Can you do that?" And my kids did!! Then I sang, "sol, do, la, ti, do, re, do." They sang that too. I told them that I had been waiting for this moment my whole life. They thought I was weird. I don't mind.

Kidney Stones and Other Irksome and Expensive Stuff

Wednesday was not a good day. Brian picked up this car and paid the bill for the new transmission in it - then drove himself to the nearest emergency room. It's usually two years between kidney stones - this time it was four months. And he's apparently passing them from both kidneys - but they still haven't passed. So we drive his car home after he's medicated and remember that the AC had quit working right before the transmission. Kind of got forgotten in the mix. Hope that wasn't a colossal oversight and that it can be fixed reasonably. Then the bathtub decided to amp up its encore performance of not draining. So I guess the plumber is going to have to come back too. Sometimes you just feel like a lake being drained in a drought.

And, yeah, we're still waiting on the kidney stones. He really can't seem to catch a break.

My next post will be positive and optimistic.

What are the kids up to?

Ethan's wanted to be a farmer for a few years now. I suggested that he farm the backyard by working in the flower beds preparing them for spring planting. So far he's spent two afternoons clearing a flower bed and cutting the backyard somewhat randomly with an old manual lawnmower.

Anna says they're playing the Farmer in the Dell and she's the farmer's wife. She said that they had one daughter and a baby on the way. So I suggested that Bella be the daughter that she already has - so she's been watching Bella.

Rosie's outside playing now, but it was all I could do to get her there because she can hardly bear to leave her beloved piano. She composed her first song, writing her own brand of notation. She explained it to me. It was mostly the letters of notes, but two letters beside each other are played at the same time. She has rh and lh notations, and the numbers stand for black notes. She also threw a "T" and "O" in there to distinguish some really high notes, even though she knows that there really aren't any notes named "T" or "O".

And Bella? Bella looks stinkin' cute in pigtails.

Illness and The Quotable Kids Roundup

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. Last Wednesday afternoon the two older kids came down with a fever/body aches/turns into a nasty cold after a few days virus. Rosie got it Saturday, and Bella came down with it on Tuesday.

Meanwhile Brian was working 12 days swamped in projects that served to make his fibromyalgia stay at a completely hideous level, so if he wasn't at work he was completely crashed here at home. Now I know what house arrest is like, unless you count Walgreens runs for more medicine and tissues or midnight trips to WalMart.

We did make it out to enjoy the gorgeous early spring weather for a short picnic on Valentine's Day, but it kind of backfired as toddlers and picnics really aren't the best combination, and the feeling better kids of the morning all came home moaning. Rosie suggested that we reschedule Valentine's Day because it didn't feel like Valentine's Day.

Which, considering that Brian's mom also had emergency surgery for a ruptured appendix this past Friday, and is of the same opinion, may just happen. We did, however, do the best we could on the actual day, but I was seriously outnumbered by sick people.


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Now for the funnies. If you're my friend on facebook, you can disregard the rest of this post because I type them in there first, but I have to save them here for posterity. Blogger better last for posterity...

February 13 -

After having a fever and body aches all day yesterday, Rose ended the day by saying, "This was a wonderful day, I got to watch lots of movies, eat yummy food [like frozen yogurt tubes], and take my favorite medicine!"

She then went on to have fever induced night terrors two nights in a row and she wasn't as easygoing about her holiday being spoiled the next day, though. She'd been sick Christmas day too, and I think she was more than a little bummed to be sick on a holiday again. :^)

February 14-

Anna: Where's Daddy?
Me: He just went to work.
Anna: It's Valentine's Day!
Me: You don't get off work for Valentine's Day.
Anna: Why?? That's rude!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Ethan had a very similar, though less shocked, reaction.

And today:

First a discussion on a dinner dish morphed and Rose elaborated, "But I don't like it because it has beans, and I don't like beans. Except for chocolate beans - those are the best beans!"

Then later:

I was trying to figure out how and who might be able to make it to the missions conference tonight that we've been planning on and preparing for.

Me: I wish I knew what to do.
Ethan: Don't ask me. I wish I could give you advice, but I don't have any experience being a mother.

He continued on about how there were probably mothers at church that had experience -why don't I call one of my friends - and besides half of my friends were grandmothers, they had children and grandchildren which was double experience and there were probably even some that had great great grandchildren and that would be a lot of experience!

A Plaid Sunday

The Big Snow

The cold and wet make Brian feel awful'

but he was determined to have his Bella

out playing in the snow. She was hilarious in her

heavy coat and too big snow suit and boots. Brian

said that she stayed planted wherever he stood her

when he had to do something else, lol.

sledding down the deck steps

VeggieTales - fun for all ages

I'm betting there is a recurring theme among southern bloggers tonight. We got about 7 inches here. Usually we do well to have a couple of inches that actually last a whole day, once a year. The children enjoyed playing in the snow and with neighbor friends that were out of school, and we all enjoyed Brian being home with us. We haven't gone back to homeschooling yet since Christmas. After a crazy Christmas trip (understatement of the century), I just want to have everything in good order first - even if that means schooling later into the spring than usual for us.

So, back to the snow. Sadie didn't know what to make of it at first, but ended up loving to hop around through it like a rabbit. There were a few wardrobe malfunctions and cold fingers, but ultimately the extra hot chocolate, fun sledding, root beer snow slushies,VeggieTales and lemon snow cream won the day. Their friend even got to sleep over tonight, because school is cancelled tomorrow too.

Daddy's Strong Today!

This was Anna's joyful deduction as she watched Brian and Bella dance around the living room to his new favorite song. He lasted a few rounds on this cold day in December, and that is certainly reason to rejoice!

Turkey making

Today, Anna helped me mix the aromatics for the turkey, then I offered to hold the turkey up while she stuffed the cavity.

She began, then, "EWW! I touched the turkey! Eww! I touched the turkey! That is so gross. I'm dropping this stuff in one at a time...I don't care.. so that I don't have to - Eww! I touched the turkey!"

Rose murmurs in the background, "Why are you whining about something you're going to eat?!"

Sick

For three weeks now. Flu-like virus, upper respiratory virus/infections, stomach virus - it's mean a never-ending cycle here. And we're missing the best fall weather in the process!

I've only had a couple days of a cold and Brian's felt awful the past two weeks with Ethan and Bella not faring much better, but on average 4 out of the 6 of us have been sick every day for the past 3 weeks despite as much good natural food and supplements as I can manage.

Sooo...Soup for dinner - again. Brian and Ethan haven't been able to stomach much else this week, and Bella's living on smoothies. Anna and I are rebelling against the sick masses and having sandwiches and salad. Oh, and Rose is having PBJ, because that's what Rose always has if given a choice, but I'm using croutons as a bribe to get her to eat salad too - mwah, ha, ha, ha!

Fall photo shoot

Apple Orchard 2010

I really didn't want to go apple picking this year. I tried to bribe them with a trip to the local farm for apples and apple pie, candy apples and apple printing, but they would not be dissuaded.

We finally got there this past weekend, much later in the season than usual. Brian felt worse and worse as the day wore on, so we left him on a sheet under an tree and hauled all the way to the opposite end of the orchard to pick what was left - Granny Smiths. Fortunately, no one seemed to mind eating them, even if they are considered baking apples.

I'm really glad I took the wagon, but hauling the apples and Bella up and down the hills of the orchard reminded me yet again that our pioneer predecessors would have been ashamed of my lack of stamina.

Some apple cider helped revive me for the wagon ride.

And the pumpkin patch finally yielded the photos I'd been hoping for.

And look at little miss "I don't look at cameras and smile". She grinned her head off in a whole series of photos with her daddy. Go figure.